Relationships

On wanting to be “free”

Have you ever experienced the agony of wanting to “be free”? That feeling where the fill in the blank (living situation, circumstances, job, relationship, level of stress, etc.) in your life presses/compresses you while your soul is slowly dying.

This whole life-sucking situation may have begun to elicit feelings of annoyance, frustration, irritation or stress – this is your soul talking to you. The soul is not inflicting those feelings. Rather, those feelings occur when we knowingly or unknowingly resist the desires of the soul. If you ignore the gentle callings, it will get louder and louder (read: more painful) because the soul will always, always be heard – no matter how long it takes us to actually listen.

When you are experiencing the feeling of wanting to be free, a few things are likely happening depending on your natural way of responding…

  1. You are not taking up the space you are meant to occupy and you are allowing others to fill that space.
  2. You are not communicating and assessing the situation accurately.
  3. You are succumbing to things as if they simply were the way things were.
  4. You are trying to take up space with strength and power (attempting to regain control through resistance) while not rooted in your true identity.

Example: Wanting to be free in/from a relationship.

I’ve been there. I know the internal pressure, longing and frustration of wanting to be free from a relationship. It felt as if I wasn’t able to stretch out to my full capacity, like I was a bird confined to a cage. Those of you with a similar experience know firsthand why the caged bird doesn’t sing…

When we have this perspective (that something is keeping us bound), it invokes a sense of powerlessness. Physically, we are able to make sense of this perspective with much evidence to back it up. Logically, we see no reasonable way out, again with more than enough evidence to prove us right.

In a relationship, the separation is messy. If there are children, messier still.
In a job, there is the financial burden of transition. The fear of not making it is paralyzing.
In a shitty situation, we may feel there is nothing we can do to change it.
In an issue of the body, we may feel bound by our own physical limitations.

And these, and so many more, give us the evidence we need to stay stuck (because change requires that we actually have to change, i.e. face our shit). This circumstantial evidence reinforces our sense of powerlessness in the situation, our sense of bondage.

The truth is our soul needs both freedom and an anchor.

We long to feel secure and to soar. We will experience the feelings of pressure and/or fear when these are not in proper balance. And everything must balance, even if that means dysfunction.

The spiritual law (truth) is that we are free and we can never truly be bound/limited by anything.

So if we are experiencing bondage or the sense of being bound/limited, we have forgotten who we are and how life works for us.

The truth is we are free. The problem is we don’t believe it.

The result of such preposterous belief is that we live as though we are not and see things with this narrowing perspective, with which the brain will marvelously limit our options – those possibilities that exist at all times.

BS BS: One believes that are not free so long as they are in a relationship and need to be “free of the relationship” to be truly free.

Truth: The person does not believe they are free. Bottom line. 

The person living in the BS BS is using the excuse of the other person/relationship to shift the center of ownership/responsibility/power (looks like blame) outside of his/herself. They believe bursting the bonds of the relationship will set them free. However, when they leave the relationship with this point of view, they will not actually be able to live in the freedom they desire – because they do not believe they are free (identity).

This so-called “freedom” they gain from physical separation will result in feeling overwhelmed with the “space” now available to them (which feels unfamiliar, uncomfortable and scary). And because they are not up for (equal to) the freedom, they will not know how to exist/operate/live restfully in that space. This will cause them to want to fill that empty space (energetically and physically) and they will be driven to feel safe and secure (surrounded). This may look like going back to the relationship, into another relationship or filling up the free time and space with something that distracts them. But because they do this for the purpose of feeling secure, it will inevitably lead to another round of feeling trapped after the initially soothing sensation of the false security wears off.

When someone doesn’t identify as being free and safe within themselves as who they are by right of existing, they will gravitate towards one or the other (wanting to be free or safe/secure) until it is oppressive and then pendulum swing to the other, always longing for the opposite, never feeling like they have arrived at “home” (the perfect balance of the two).

The soul shockingly deep revelation that I AM FREE (right here and right now – exactly where I am) and I can therefore have and do whatever the eff I want in or out of a relationship causes someone to be at home (finally) in themselves, no longer feeling bound or dangling like a fish out of water, and no longer blaming external circumstances, another person or God for the lack they previously felt. Now their true desire can emerge – whether to stay or go – and is no longer clouded by the erroneous belief that they are missing something (freedom). 

Want to know why people don’t feel free in relationships? I’ll shed some light on that for you very soon love-bug! xxoo

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