A lot of relationship teachers (coaches, counselors, therapists) teach that your sex life is the litmus test for the health and viability of your relationship.
This message has been thrust at men and women for quite some time. It sounds really good….Good sex means the relationship is also good…
But it’s not at all that simple.
Frequent sex can be a barometer of intimacy, but it can also be straight bullsh*t.
When relationships are suffering, dull, or distant, men and women are often counseled to “spice up their sex life,” “have sex more frequently,” “try something new,” “explore each other.” And so many other well meaning suggestions aimed at alleviating symptoms.
Women hear suggestions like:
Buy some new lingerie 👙
Freshen up before your man comes home from work💄
Plan to surprise him preferably in the lingerie 😯 –>😁
Put a memento in his briefcase that will make him think of you and want you all day
Text him a sexy picture of yourself (lingerie is optional)
If you’re too tired at night, take a nap during the day so you can stay up later to be his bedtime kitten 😻
Use candlelight/dim light if you’re insecure about your body. The shadowy room will reveal your figure while hiding your flaws.
Men hear suggestions like:
Remember, foreplay with women begins in the morning. So if you want to have sex that night, start a conversation before you leave for work. Ask her how she is doing before you come home.
Call/text her in the middle of the day.
Consider how her day was before advancing.
Start talking to her right before sex, too.
Remember – conversation is foreplay.
Before you touch her, start by asking her how her day was. Let her open up.
Listen (without picturing how you are going to ravish her body).
Say something like “so what you’re saying is …(repeat back what she said).”
Start with nonsexual touches, then move towards caressing before taking it further. Remember – she needs to feel heard and appreciated for more than just her body.
Clean for her. A man who cleans is a turn on. Have you seen Mr. Clean’s build?! 💪 Yeah, he got it from doing dishes.
Bring her flowers.🌹
Buy her a gift.🎁
Oh and you must speak her ‘love language.’ You’ve got to speak to her in hers or she won’t understand you. It will be like speaking Spanish to a German.
Take her on a date night at least once a week and don’t expect sex afterwards.
Just don’t expect sex. Have expectation not expectancy. (How the eff do I do that?!)
This commonly heard advice is not necessarily bad in itself. It’s just that it’s not that good either, not if you’re missing the main ingredient to 🔥sex.
You can do ALL those things AND have O after O after O, but I guarantee that if you’re missing this, then you haven’t even come close to the best sex of your life.
Connection to your innate flow your masculine or feminine essence, something that only you have…It’s confidence at its finest.
No, not that image of confidence. 🤢 🤦🏻♀️
Being confident because of your sexual ability or accomplished figure is NOT confidence. That is the bullsh*t story someone told you on how to be more confident a la naked/in bed. (I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy…oh so sexaaay…)
Confidence is NOT because of anything you do/can do (ability) or have done (accomplishments).
It’s not tied to how you look, your position or possessions, your sexual prowess or experience.
It’s not about how long or deep you can go (not that we don’t like that – long and deep are very good…just not by themselves).
And it sure as hell ain’t because you learned to strut.
Listen. If you are confident because you _____ then it’s not true confidence.
True confidence is solely an inside job. Deep inside.
Confidence comes solely from who.you.are.
When you are truly confident in who you are, you embody it, so it shows up in everything – without you trying.
This may perplex some of you who feel that you have worked hard on something like your body, for example, and you feel more confident now.
That’s the whole horse before the cart adage. In this example,
you feel confident because you now.feel.worthy.🎤 ⬇️
As I said, true confidence comes from who you are – and no – you can’t become confident by practicing the mannerisms of a confident person, and the strut…please just no. 🤦🏻♀️
True confidence is felt more than it is seen with the naked eye.
And when you have it – when you know that you ARE it, rather…you super attract. You take it to a ten. You get that bed vibrating on a whole new level. And your partner can’t help but notice. (Wide eyed Who the eff are YOU?! awakening moment)
There’s nothing better in bed or out than pure confident sexuality.
When you’re this alive you don’t need to do the song and dance or play the “get my partner to want me, think I’m sexy/desirable or make him/her happy, satisfied and content in our relationship” game.
I’m telling you, when you have true confidence, you will NEVER be concerned about being desirable, wanted, able to satisfy, etc.
You KNOW you’re all those things and more, WITHOUT even trying.
Then your sexual experiences will be free from all that internal dialogue BS that distracts you from being present in the moment and on that other dimension.
Warning: Your partner isn’t the only one who will notice. And what you do with that is really important. Let’s talk more about that later.
🔥 You’re looking sexier already. 🔥